WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
