This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
