Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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