Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
