my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
