I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
