Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize