Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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