I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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