you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
