And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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