Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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