Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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