Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My hand turned me down
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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