i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
