you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
