I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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