Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
