i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
