Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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