but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
