They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
North Korea, Best Korea!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
