I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
