Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
