Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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