who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
