I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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