I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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