The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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