I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
