Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
