Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
