Four minutes until I can fart!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
