Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
