I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
