I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this just has baby written all over it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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