Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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