4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
