do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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