this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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