Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
