So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we have pet lesbian snakes
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize