just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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