If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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