Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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