even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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