haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
