She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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