he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
