in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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