I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
