OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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