I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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