the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're like the curious george of whores
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize