actually, I'm a sock model
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
