i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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