Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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