Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
