my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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