omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
