Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
