summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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