I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
