Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
