Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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