I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize