i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
