Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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