You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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