Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
