You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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