if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
