I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize