The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
